Whimsical
by StackofStories
Summary: Percy takes his big brother duties a little too seriously. Silly one-shot.


**This another little story I wrote because I had time it and it means nothing, just done on the a whim. I just needed something to make me smile, so, don't take anything in this story too seriously. It's also technically a sequel to Puerile. So yeah.**

 **Warnings: Tongues battle for dominance, Daddy kinkkkk, the words uke and seme, and unbeta'd. I apologize for mistakes. The horror in this is real.**

* * *

 **Whimsical**

* * *

"Holy Hera!"

a thousand lights flickered on at once, blinding Nico; he plastered against the door as he squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to evade the harsh light.

ok…

That was an exaggeration. It was one light. Two lamps, more like, but they still burnt bright in the oddly dark living room.

"Nico, where have you been? I've been up all night worried sick about you."

Percy?

Nico opened his eyes, slowly un-gluing himself from the door. He checked his watch. "It's 4:30 in the afternoon, why are all the blinds down?"

Percy leapt from his cushion-chair, tying his blue robe together, huffing, "Who do you think you are, mister? Out all night without an excuse, traipsing in here without the slightest care in the world."

" _It's_ _4:30_ _in the afternoon_. I told you I'd be late because of a project— are those hair-curlers?"

he, of course, pointed to the blue foam twined in Percy's hair, covered with a blue net.

"The least you could of done was called!"

"Aren't we demigods? I thought all technology was like a bat signal for monsters?"

"Left a note or something."

"I did leave a note on the refrigerator and, I told you I'd be staying after for a project with Jason."

Percy sagged back in the chair, letting out a moan. "I knew it, I knew it! I knew that Grace Boy was trouble! You used be my good Neeks before he came bulldozing into your life."

"Is it Halloween?"

"Sneaking out all hours of the night for rose-gold moonlit trysts; changing your clothes and foods to fit him."

"I thought you liked that I wore more than black and stopped eating McDonald's?"

"Poisoning you with naughty ideas you are much too young for!"

Nico crossed his arms, a dark smile on his lips. "I can assure you he's not the one poisoning me…" he muttered under his breath.

Percy tightened the bow on his robe, continuing on as if he hadn't heard Nico. "No more of this deviant behavior I say; if you're so insistent to see the incorrigible Grace boy…"

"Did Annabeth make you eat a dictionary?"

"I guess there could be an a minor acquiescence on my part; we're having dinner, all of us. Saturday. At 8pm. Grace should dress nicely and bring wine."

"Jason and I aren't old enough to drink."

"If he arrives late I will look unfavorably upon him; he will never get my permission to marry you."

"What in Tartarus are you talking about?" Nico sorta feared for Percy's sanity.

Percy got up from his seat again. He somehow had acquired fuzzy teal slippers to match with his robe. "There's a plate in the microwave, eat and go to bed, we'll talk more in the morning."

"Percy, it's," he checked his watch once more. "4:43 in the afternoon."

"No more lip from you, young man. I don't want to hear it tonight, eat and then bed."

Nico rolled his eyes. Whatever. To the kitchen he went.

...

"What the fuck is my life," Nico said, stirring around his corn. He _**hated**_ corn.

"Nico, no foul language at the table," Percy chided. He cleared his throat. "As I was saying— Jason Grace, do you practice safe sex with my Neeks? I can't be sure what they taught you at Camp Jupiter. It's important that you use a condom properly, and you've prepped your partner sufficiently, a little foreplay could go a long way, trust me.

"Another thing, this _toy business._ Nico has told me you've mentioned it once or twice, it's important you're careful with those as well. I've read horrific stories of certain… objects, getting stuck, and—"

Nico watched as Jason adopted an "electrocuted" expression quite well, the random twitching and hair-raise included.

"Percy, can we steer to another topic? Sex isn't proper dinner conversation," he said. He was pretty proud that he managed to say as much and only feel his cheeks heat up.

Percy tore a piece of chicken off his drumroll. "I suppose, but we will have this conversation. No running away from business like last time."

Nico nodded.

"So, Jason Grace, where do you see yourself in five years? What are you career goals?"

"Well, I am the Pontifex Maximus."

"That doesn't exactly bring home the drachmas."

"They pay me in denarii and it has a great exchange rate."

"Pennies and dimes, and not exactly stable, Nico deserve someone with a stable career and a good income in this world and the mortal."

"Does no one care that my father is literally the King of Underworld, which means all the jewels underneath fall under his domain. I'm loaded," Nico said.

Jason and Percy indulged in another one of their famed pissing contest. Nico hoped this one didn't last too long.

"Pot calling the kettle black, Percy. What about you?"

"What about me? I'm dueling in zoology and marine biology and I work two jobs as a life guard and zoo assistant. Plus, I teach the best sword-fighting class Chiron has seen in centuries."

"He does do that," Nico said. He stole a fry from Jason's plate.

"Ha! My pinkie finger could do more work than that. _It actually does_ more work than that. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to juggle two divine marriages; launch three toys plus merchandise; patch up thousand-year-old spats and, build monuments in the most-perfectly-perfect-spot that's fair in all god's eyes, plus manage an all AP course!"

Nico took another fry.

"Double Ha!"

"Isn't that Ha-ha?" Nico asked. He had a handful of Jason's fries in his hands.

"— I wonder with all that on your plate how Nico hasn't been feeling neglected. Nico deserves someone that is attentive to his needs."

"Oh, he's very attentive," Nico mumbled. He had totally deserted his plate of corn for Jason's fries.

"Wait— you aren't feeling neglected, are you, Sir?"

"No, little soldier, you're fine."

Percy gaped.

Jason flushed. "We, I, can explain," he said. "It's not what you think."

"Unless, what you're thinking is Jason likes to be called little soldier in-and-out of the bedroom, and I've taken a shine to Sir, you'd be right. It's exactly what you're thinking."

 _"Nico,"_ Jason hissed.

Percy still gaped, like a dead-fish in the market. He even had that glazed-eye look too.

"He doesn't call me Daddy." Nico offered. He ate another fry.

Percy was definitely going to catch flies.

"It's all a hundred percent consensual and, it centers me, like it isn't about sex all the time, and it's really, really calming especially when Sir tells me exactly what to do and what my limits are, and I'm just his soldier…"

Percy couldn't believe his poor ears. His sweet, innocent, babybat-haired, i-need-a-good-meal, poster child of Hot Topic, angel-faced, cinnamon roll of an adopted baby-brother-slash-son was a sseme/s… the dominant.

Ooh, he felt a little bit of his innocence shrivel away.

He tuned back into Jason's frantic explanation.

"… and when he takes me into his arms and runs his fingers through my hair…"

"No." Percy snapped his jaw shut.

"Excuse me?"

Both Jason and Nico looked at him.

"No," Percy repeated. "I do not want to know all the icky details between you and Nico, I have surmised you're an adequate match. He could of done a lot worse, like that singleminded _Bill Slogan_ , he most definitely isn't Nico's type."

(like Nico could settle with some suburban dudebro that wore socks with sandals in 80-degree weather; he didn't even save the world. Please! His Neeks deserved someone with credentials, blessed accreditation.)

Nico rolled his eyes. "Is dinner over?"

"Yes."

Nico and Jason couldn't get up fast enough.

"You may stay for another hour or two, Jason. No hanky-panky under my roof."

"Yes Percy, we won't fuck on the couch," Nico said.

"Or anywhere else," he said, he grabbed his cold food. "I'm going in my room, but if I hear any suspicious creaking I'm getting the water gun." and with that, he flowed out of the dining room to his bedroom. He shut his door. Sat his plate down. Then, he fell back unto his bed.

The walls were thin. He could hear decidedly loud, wet-smacks.

 _"ooooohhhh~"_

was that a sigh of pleasure! **_From Jason?!_**

He let out a whimper.

He was going to need so much brain bleach.


End file.
